He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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