i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
