I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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