He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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