I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
