Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
