theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
