we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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