We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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