Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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