And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
