I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
