update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
