The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A+ Viking dick
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
