i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
