I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
