I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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