he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
