I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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