Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
