Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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