I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
