I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize