How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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