I'm gonna have a badass scar
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
