Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
