i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
