nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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