And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
