There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
