Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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