I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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