am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
