my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
