Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
