My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
