She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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