After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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