i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
