I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We are all done wearing pants today
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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