You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
