Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
