peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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