I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
