i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
