I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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