My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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