Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
