I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
