just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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