About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
