all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
