1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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