If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
