Apparently you make a good broom.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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