Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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