I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
