but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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