I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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