god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
