Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
