Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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