He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
