I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
