dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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