Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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