Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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