And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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