Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
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She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
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Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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