He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
