Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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