nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
